


Did You Feel the Way I Felt?

by WaxRhapsodic



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Asexual Character, Asexual Relationship, Asexuality, F/M, M/M, Other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-19
Updated: 2015-02-07
Packaged: 2018-03-08 04:16:02
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 8,139
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3194972
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WaxRhapsodic/pseuds/WaxRhapsodic
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>There was a moment’s pause as the group silently assessed Arthur. Oddly enough, that’s when his reluctance vanished. It took him a moment to realize why he felt so comfortable with their perusal. For all that the eight of them were looking him over; there were no sexual overtones clouding the situation. Finally relaxed, he broke the silence.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The Aces of London

**Author's Note:**

> Hi Everyone! this is my first fic so please be gentle! Any constructive criticism and just plain ole' comments are welcome with open arms. I have no beta so all mistakes are my own, Enjoy!
> 
> Title of the fic is from the song "Listen to Reason" by Bryan Steeksma
> 
> I do not own Merlin or the associated characters.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Aces of London, a vague enough group name that anyone not in the community would think nothing of it. Arthur had done his research and knew what he was, had come to terms with it in his own way. Maybe he was finally ready to embrace it.

Arthur paused in his perusal of the document in front of him to glance at the digital clock cum desk organizer perched on the edge of his massive rosewood desk. It was his father’s desk. The clock was the only change he had made to the office since his promotion. It had all been so sudden; Uther’s heart attack and immediate resignation had come as a shock to the corporation he had worked so hard to build. Uther was still recovering from the massive heart attack and the resulting triple bypass. Arthur had gladly stepped in to fill his shoes at Pendragon Inc. So far the power transfer had gone smoothly. Though Uther had not planned to retire for at least five more years, his plans for the company were common knowledge. The board had easily voted Arthur in as CEO during their emergency session and six months later the rest was history. 

Arthur was already accustomed to working late nights as the vice president of sales, a bad habit that had carried over into his current position. He sighed and put his work away for the night. It was gone nine and he had sent the late workers home at seven. Stuck at work on a Friday night, how pathetic he seemed. He was only 32 and yet he felt so much older and more jaded than his years should allow. Arthur shrugged on his overcoat and grabbed his briefcase to head home for the night. He stepped out of the high rise that housed Pendragon Inc. and into the bracing cold of the night air. Raising his arm to hail a cab, he was hit by the sudden urge to go anywhere but his own empty flat. 

As Arthur settled into the cab, he tried to think of anywhere else he could go. Taking out his mobile to check his messages he saw an invite to the Meetup group he had joined ages ago. It had taken all of his nerve to even send a request to the group mediator. His sexuality was something that he kept very private. It was too hard to explain to others, people liked sexuality to fit into neat boxes and his didn't. He had attempted to work up the nerve to “out” himself before, but had always chickened out. Maybe these guys could help. Arthur impulsively gave the cabbie the address listed on the invite, a lounge downtown. The Meetup had started at nine and it would be closing in on ten by the time he arrived. They should be in full swing by then. Aces of London, a vague enough group name that anyone not in the community would think nothing of it. Arthur had done his research and knew what he was, had come to terms with it in his own way. Maybe he was finally ready to embrace it.

That in mind, Arthur stepped out and paid the driver. He took a deep breath and took in the exterior of the lounge. It looked busy but not crowded. He wondered how many of the customers were Aces. There was only one way to find out.  
Upon entering the bar, Arthur was pleasantly surprised by the warm interior and soothing atmosphere. It was a galley style bar with hard wood floors and a massive oak bar that spanned nearly the length of the building. Patrons were either seated at the bar or in cozy booths inset into the walls. Soft jazz was being played by a live band at one end of the large room. In the midst of it all, cocktail waitresses flitted about delivering drinks and what appeared to be Tapas. Arthur was at a loss for how to find the Aces. He was considering asking one of the waitresses if a group had signed in when something caught his eye. The glimmer of a black ring caught in the low light of the bar.  
The ring was worn on the middle finger of a man’s right hand. Success! Arthur steeled himself and approached the booth where a small group of people were spread out. Feeling self conscious with his briefcase in hand, he stopped at the head of the table and cleared his throat. All conversation stopped as the table’s occupants took notice of his presence. 

“Hello, I’m looking for the Aces of London Meetup group?”

There was a moment’s pause as the group silently assessed Arthur. Oddly enough, that’s when his reluctance vanished. It took him a moment to realize why he felt so comfortable with their perusal. For all that the eight of them were looking him over; there were no sexual overtones clouding the situation. Finally relaxed, he broke the silence.

“Am I in the right place? The invite said nine but I've only just left the office.” He lifted his briefcase slightly to exemplify his point.  
“Well, you're at the right place…”  
“Arthur.”  
“Arthur it is.” The speaker was a small woman with long brown hair and sweet features.  
“I’m Freya, this is Will, Daegal, Gwen, Lance, Merlin, Gwaine, and Morgause. Nearly everyone made it tonight so you came at a good time.”

Arthur quietly traded greetings with the individual members of the group as he removed his over coat and took a seat at the end of the booth.  
“Next rounds on me!” He offered with a smile that was returned by everyone in varying degrees. So far so good Arthur smiled to himself, already comfortable with these strangers in a way he hadn't been with even his closest friends in years.


	2. Introductions 'Round the Table

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Arthur looked at him, shocked, like Merlin had just read his heart and knew his deepest fears. That if he told anyone else, that would make it true, irrefutable, set in stone. But wasn't it already?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for the support so far! I'm so glad you all are enjoying the fic! Quick explanation of the Popcorn game as told to my by one of my high school English teachers. Read a section aloud then choose the next reader by saying Popcorn, then their name, this is the Popcorn introduction game.

Freya spoke again, “So Arthur, are you an Ace or an Ally? Come to ask us to join you at an gay rights protest or some such?”

“Nothing like that, though I've done my homework and didn't realize we were welcome under the LGBTQ umbrella?”

“That’s alright, we have our own” The blonde- Morgause? - replied with a smile which Arthur returned wholeheartedly. “Yeah, I've read up on it.”

“Great then, we can skip the formalities and get to the good stuff!” Freya cut in.

A few moments later a cocktail waitress arrived and Arthur made good on his word. 

After she left to retrieve their drinks, the man with the long brown hair-Gwaine?-Leaned forward to speak. 

“So Arthur, typically we go around the table and tell a little bit about ourselves to welcome a newbie. Don’t worry, I’ll start. I’m Gwaine, as you already know and I am a bi romantic demisexual. I’m also 31 and a bar tender at this fine establishment. Popcorn Merlin.” 

He nudged the slim man with unruly black hair and full lips sitting next to him. The man-Merlin- jumped slightly as if pulled from a trance. He cleared his throat as a light flush crept up his pale cheeks, and for the first time since Arthur sat down, Merlin looked away from him. 

Gwaine and Daegal seemed to find this humorous for some reason, but Arthur could not put a finger on why. This made Merlin flush harder and actively avoid eye contact. It was frankly adorable.

Arthur smiled and leaned back to enjoy the camaraderie, it reminded him of time spent with his friends Leon and Percy. 

Merlin spoke then with a Welsh accent he seemed to be working to hide.  
“Uh, yeah I’m Merlin and I work as a PA at Mercia Inc., I’m 28 and a homo romantic asexual. Popcorn Daegal.” He slumped back in his seat and resumed sneaking glances at Arthur from under his long eye lashes even as he tried to hide behind his drinking glass. 

Daegal spoke up with a grin, running his finger through his thick brown hair as he addressed the table at large. “As most of you know, I’m Daegal, a hetero romantic demisexual. I’m 29 and I manage a retail store.” He finished with a grimace that got a chuckle out of everyone. “Popcorn Freya.”

“Alright then, I’m Freya a hetero romantic asexual, and I work as a nurse at the local GP. Popcorn Lance.” She finished with a wide grin as Lance- another handsome brunette, looked startled.  
“Ok, I’m Lance, 35 a hetero-romantic…um…sexual? I am the local GP and Freya is my nurse.” Lance stuttered out. “Sorry, not used to introducing myself at these things, for the longest time I've been the newbie. Uh, popcorn Gwen."

Arthur raised his eyebrows in surprise, but said nothing; there must be a story there. 

Gwen- a lovely black woman with thick dark hair and sparkling eyes smiled up at Lance indulgently, taking his hand in hers. “Yeah, I’m Gwen and I’m a demi- romantic grey asexual. Freya introduced Lance and me about a year ago and well, here we are today.”  
“Yeah, just got to keep her in love with me.” Lance said with a grin placing a gentle kiss on her forehead. 

Arthur felt his heart clench at the sight, there went everything he had ever wanted, but had never thought he could have. But if there was hope for Gwen, there might be hope for him as well. 

Gwaine cleared his throat, interrupting the sweet moment the couple was sharing. “Popcorn Gwen!”

“Oh right! She snapped out of her love fueled haze. “Popcorn Morgause.”

“I’m Morgause, an aromantic asexual. I work as a barrister at a Gorloise and LeFaye. Popcorn Will.”

“Yeah, I’m Will an aromantic demisexual. I work as a gardener for rich toffs like yourself and Morgause here.” He toasted his fellow blondes with saucy grin as Merlin socked him in the arm. “Well then I guess my choice has been made for me, “Popcorn Arthur.”

And as much as Arthur had thought he was ready, something inside him rebelled at saying out loud what he knew to be true. 

He hesitated, looking around the table at his new acquaintances. He had come so far tonight. Further than he could have imagined, but what made him freeze at this final step?

Merlin spoke softly in the lull. “Its OK, you know, saying it won't make it come true, won't make it permanent. It already is.”

Arthur looked at him, shocked, like Merlin had just read his heart and knew his deepest fears. That if he told anyone else, that would make it true, irrefutable, set in stone. But wasn't it already?

Arthur took a deep breath and confessed directly to Merlin. “I’m Arthur, a panromantic asexual.” 

At that Merlin smiled and Arthur felt an amazing weight lift off his shoulders. At that moment, he and Merlin could have been the only two people in the world. Never had Arthur felt so known, so accepted, and by a near stranger no less! As he gazed into Merlin’s midnight blue eyes, he knew he had found what he had been searching for all along.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here we go! Next chapter a nice face to face with Merlin and Arthur! This is the super helpful chart I used to define everyones sexuality! Special shout out to clevergirlhelps tumblr!
> 
> https://www.pinterest.com/pin/291467407107521023/


	3. I'll be Seeing You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “I used to think that the, I guess the word is infatuation, for my exes was sexual. I wanted to spend every moment with them, know everything about them. Sleep with them, hold them, and share my life with them. But it just wasn't enough. And you can't fake desire.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Title of the chapter from the infamous song. Enjoy!

As the night wore one, seats were shuffled as Lance asked Gwen to dance to the smooth jazz quartet, and Daegal followed suit with Freya. Gwaine and Will fell into a deep conversation about football and Morgause seemed content to quietly people watch and sip her wine. 

Eventually, Arthur found himself seated next to a slightly inebriated Merlin. They nursed their drinks silently for a while, watching the couples spin lazily about the dance floor like clockwork dolls set to a pre recorded tune. Eventually Merlin turned to him and spoke quietly.

“I hope I didn't put you on the spot back there. You just looked trapped in your own head.”

“No, you really helped me out. I had never said it out loud to anyone else. I thought I could do it, but I guess I still needed that little push.”

Merlin smiled softly. “It’s a hard step to make. Coming out as gay was comparatively easy. It was easier for me to come to terms with too.” 

“I know exactly what you mean. For the longest time I thought of myself as bi-sexual, and had no real issue with it. When I realized that gender didn't matter to me at all, I accepted that as well. But this? Honestly I feel kind of silly for how long it took me to realize there was no sexual attraction for me at all.”

“Sexual attraction, what’s that?” They chuckled into their drinks for a moment before settling back into the booth closer than before. Arthur felt Merlin lean into him sleepily. 

“A question for the ages,” He murmured softly. “I used to think that the, I guess the word is infatuation, for my exes was sexual. I wanted to spend every moment with them, know everything about them. Sleep with them, hold them, and share my life with them. But it just wasn't enough. And you can't fake desire.”

“Tried it did you?”

“Yeah, it went about as well as you can imagine.” 

“Oh I don’t have to imagine. I’ve been down that road myself. The crazy thing is I don’t mind sex. But my ex wanted me to crave it the same way he did. In the end that’s what drove us apart. He needed to feel desired and like you said, that can’t be faked.”  
“I’m sorry that happened to you Merlin, sounds like his loss.”

“Yeah I guess, but it feels like mine. I thought he was the one.”

They smiled sadly at each other in a moment of shared camaraderie. Merlin broke the moment with a wry laugh. “I didn't mean to bring you down. You won’t want to come back at this rate.”

“Don’t be silly Merlin, this is the best time I've had in a long while.”

Before long, Arthur found himself telling Merlin about his life, or lack thereof. His father’s illness and subsequent retirement, the pressure he was under to perform every day, the long hours at the office. At the mention of his father's illness, Merlin stiffened beside him. 

“Arthur? Not Pendragon by any chance?”

Arthur hesitated for a moment. There was a reason he introduced himself as just Arthur whenever possible. He hated the moment people realized he was the sole heir to the Pendragon dynasty. It inevitably changed the way they treated him, and things had been going so well with Merlin thus far. 

Merlin spotted his indecision. “You do look somewhat familiar. I told you I work at Mercia yeah?”

“Yes, you did mention that.” Arthur said with diplomatic detachment.

“I work for Bayard. I’m his PA.

At that, Arthur relaxed a bit. Bayard was a friendly rival of Uther’s they had attended business school together ages ago. He was as close as Uther got to having actual friends. 

“Small world.”

“Indeed,” Merlin smiled softly taking out his mobile phone. “Care to make it a bit smaller?”

They exchanges numbers agreeably and wound down the evening comfortably shifting between a variety of conversational topics. The hours passed quickly and time only caught up to Arthur when he saw Merlin stifling yet another yawn.

“Am I boring you Merlin?” he teased lightly.

“Not at all, I just had a long day!” Merlin protested indignantly hair sticking up from where he had leaned into Arthur's shoulder for most of the night. 

“Well I think we closed the place down, might be time for us to head out as well.” Arthur remarked gently. Merlin seemed to take note of the rapidly emptying bar with something akin to surprise. Morgause, Freya, and Will had left intermittently as the evening wore on, each making their excuses as the hours grew later.

“Oh wow, haven’t done this in ages.”

“Well you know how they say time flies.” They shared another secret smile as Arthur helped Merlin locate his scarf and shrug on his coat. 

They bid fond farewells to the rest of the group and closed their tab. “Let me hail you a cab,” Arthur offered as they walked out together, hands brushing lightly with each step they took. 

Merlin agreed gratefully, his exhaustion showing more now that they were outside the warmth of the bar. “I’ll call you later?” he asked hesitantly, worried now that the spell was broken and their easy banter had been a result of the ambiance and alcohol.

“You'd better,” Arthur remarked with a smile. “In fact, text to let me know you made it home alright. No sleeping in cabs Merlin!” he admonished as Merlin settled into the cab that had stopped at Arthur’s behest.

“I’ll try to contain myself,” he laughed, sleepily reaching for Arthurs hand as he went to close the door.

“I’m glad you came.”

“Me too, I'll see you soon Merlin.” Arthur closed the door and watched as the cab drove off before hailing another. Glad of the impulse that had brought him out tonight, he relaxed into the warmth of the cab, idly wondering if it was too soon to ask Merlin out on a date. He was more than halfway home when his phone chimed with a text. 

~Home safe, cabbie had to wake me! :$~

Arthur chuckled to himself at the mental image, planning to ask Merlin out at the earliest opportunity, even as he composed a reply.


	4. Sunday Brunch

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “There’s just something about you Merlin,” he whispered as he pressed their lips together once more in a gentle kiss. It was a perfect kiss, a chaste statement of intent that Merlin read perfectly if his content smile and tight embrace were anything to go by.

Merlin had gladly agreed to see Arthur again not two days after their initial meeting. They had decided on brunch at a small bistro near the city center. Their Sunday brunch was one of Arthur’s favorite indulgences and he was hoping to impress Merlin with this initial outing. He arrived early and ordered himself a drink as he settled in to wait.

Merlin came in a few minutes later and informed the hostess that his party had already arrived. He spotted Arthur on the glass domed patio and smiled widely before approaching him. 

He looked quite handsome in well fitted slacks and a button up checked shirt worn under a blue jumper. The ensemble really brought out his coloring and made him appear all the more striking. Arthur felt a surge of pride at the eyes Merlin drew as he made his way through the dining room; that this lovely man was here for him. 

Arthur stood as Merlin reached the table and they shook hands. They both took a seat as the waiter returned for Merlin’s drink order. Once that was done, they quietly perused the menu.

“This place is awfully fancy for a first date.” Merlin said watching Arthur through his long lashes. Arthur hid a smile behind the menu as he realized Merlin was subtly asking if this was a date or just a meeting between friends. 

“I aim to make a good impression on my dates as early as possible” he said, laying the menu down as a signal for the server to return for their food order, catching sight of Merlin’s light blush and pleased grin as he too set down his menu.  
“Have whatever you like; you look like you could use a good meal or two.”

“Oi! Are you calling me scrawny? We can't all be physical specimens you know!”Merlin teased, only realizing what he had said after a moment’s pause.

Arthur laughed at his visible embarrassment “Well I'm glad you think so highly of me Merlin, but do try to contain yourself.” 

“Don't flatter yourself, Mr. I still have a hands off policy you know.”

“Hopefully not too far off” Arthur reached across the table to squeeze Merlin’s hand pleased when Merlin did not pull away even when the waiter arrived.

They placed their order as the waiter delivered Merlin’s drink and collected their menus.

“So tell me more about yourself Merlin, how did you become a PA?”

“Well I don't honestly have a passion, but I am good at organizing other people’s lives so I fell into it after University. Though I initially went for business management, would have broken my mother’s heart if I hadn't gone after she worked so hard to be able to send me in the first place.”

“So do you like it?” Merlin paused and thought for a moment.

“Yes and no, I like the feeling of knowing that everything is running smoothly because of my schedule. I like doing something I know I'm good at, but it does not fulfill me in any real way. To me it’s a job, not a career.”

“Well you have done quite well for yourself, Mercia is almost as successful as Pendragon” Arthur smirked as Merlin rolled his eyes. 

“Well how about you Mr. Successful? Do you love your job?”

“Actually yes,” he laughed. “It keeps me busy but it is my passion and I’m good at it. I grew up knowing what I would be doing for the rest of my life but I never resented it. It was a goal to reach and it gave me purpose.”

“I can see that from how you talk about it” Merlin smiled again absently toying with Arthur’s hand, only letting go when their food arrived.

The rest of the meal flew by as they talked more than they ate. 

Merlin talking about growing up with his mother and twin sister Morgana, their father had abandoned them before Merlin formed any memories of the man. He didn't seem bitter about it, something Arthur couldn't fathom but it was hard to imagine Merlin being bitter about anything. 

Arthur talked about growing up with only his parents for company. He was far younger than his parents’ friends’ children and that had isolated him further. His childhood had been lonely but not sad. He envied the close relationship Merlin shared with his sister. But he still had both his parents, something he had always been grateful for considering his mother had nearly died bringing him into this world. 

Their conversation flowed so easily, neither of them felt uncomfortable sharing their deepest or most shallow thoughts with a near stranger. 

Arthur couldn't remember ever clicking with someone this well or this quickly. He was pleased with his decision to pursue Merlin so far. They talked until the brunch crowd cleared out and the restaurant began to turn over for dinner service.

“We really know how to close a place out don't we?” Merlin joked as Arthur settled the bill and they walked out into the late afternoon chill. Merlin began to shiver almost immediately. 

“See what I mean about meals?” Arthur laughed as he pulled Merlin close with an arm around his narrow waist. He opened his mouth to say more when he was surprised by the press of Merlin’s full lips against his own. He was too shocked to respond initially and felt Merlin pull away stiffly with a murmured apology. Arthur tightened his arm around Merlin and used his free hand to gently grasp his chin and tilt his head for a better angle. 

“There’s just something about you Merlin,” he whispered as he pressed their lips together once more in a gentle kiss. It was a perfect kiss, a chaste statement of intent that Merlin read perfectly if his content smile and tight embrace were anything to go by. They kissed lightly once more before agreeing to a second date which Merlin would pick.

“I can't wait to see what you have planned Merlin, give me some more insight into that funny head of yours.” 

“I'll see you soon Arthur” Merlin replied cheekily. “But I’ll text you sooner.” 

They reluctantly went their separate ways, counting the hours until they saw each other again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments are love!


	5. Your head is aching, I'll make it better.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> One of the best parts about being in a relationship with Merlin was that he understood Arthur’s needs so easily.

Arthur sighed heavily as he strode out of his office, overcoat in hand. He was leaving work late again after attempting to resolve an overseas contract issue that looked like it would require his presence in Canada before the end of the quarter. 

This in top of a splitting headache that promised to turn into a migraine before the night was out. He stepped out of the building and frowned at the light drizzle coming down. He had left his umbrella upstairs in his office and decided against going back for it.  
He shook out his coat and raised his arm to hail a cab just as the skies opened in a deluge of freezing rain. He grimaced at the icy cold water sluicing down his neck as he struggled into his coat and flipped up the collar. Mercifully a cab stopped a few moments later and he was finally on his way home. 

He dozed fitfully in the car, each bump and stop causing a lancing pain to shoot behind his eyes. That migraine was clearly going to arrive sooner rather than later. He regretfully texted Merlin that their plans for the following night would have to wait with a short explanation as to why. That done, he set his phone to silent and reclined as comfortably as possible as his cab struggled through the tail end of rush hour traffic. 

His mood turned maudlin as he anticipated a weekend of fighting off his migraine and pouring over contracts in English and French with no Merlin to break the grinding monotony.

They had officially been dating for a few months and everything was going smoothly, though he knew Merlin would be worried since Arthur only texted as a last resort. He couldn't help the fact that he loved Merlin’s accent and how thick it got when he didn’t focus on hiding it. The charming brunette had quickly become the center of Arthur’s affection, and he already regretted canceling their movie date for the following night. 

He quickly paid the cabbie and stumbled into the foyer of his building only to stop short at the sight of Merlin signing in at the front desk. He was still dressed for work and his hair was spiked crazily in some places and slicked smooth by the rain in others like he had been self consciously running his hands through the unruly mess. The desk agent looked decidedly unimpressed as he informed Merlin that “Mr. Pendragon did not answer his line and unauthorized guest are not welcome on the premises.” 

If Arthur’s heart had swelled at the sight of Merlin then it nearly burst at the adorably mulish expression that flickered across his face at the curt dismissal.  
Though he would have loved to watch the scene play out, the desk agent looked moments away from calling security to escort Merlin out and no one needed that.

“It’s alright George, Merlin is my guest, add him to the list will you?”

He would have laughed at their twin expressions of surprise if not for his steadily worsening headache. 

“Certainly Mr. Pendragon sir,” George stated stiffly. Quickly making a note in his computer and giving Merlin his ID back with a look of disdain.

Merlin quickly pocketed his ID and hurried over to Arthur, his accent as thick as Arthur had ever heard it.

“Are you alright love? I was just heading home when I got your text, you never text and when you do the spelling is always spot on! Then when you didn't answer my call I got really worried.”

What call? He thought pulling out his phone to glance at the screen. Two, missed calls ten minutes apart, he must have slept for longer than he thought in the cab.

As he was chattering, Merlin took him by the hand and led him to the elevator bank, stopping only to smooth Arthur’s hair back from his forehead and press the button Arthur indicated.

They had met in his lobby before, so Merlin knew his address, though he still seemed impressed when they got into a separate elevator and headed to the penthouse. 

“Don’t look so shocked Merlin, I own the building.” He smiled as Merlin took his briefcase and muttered something that sounded like “Posh git.”

They arrived at his penthouse and the lights automatically came on, a soothing soft light that would not exacerbate his frequent migraines. Though this was his first in several weeks and it already felt less severe than usual. 

He locked the elevator and pulled Merlin to him in a tender embrace.

“I’m glad you came.”

“I felt like you needed me.”

“I do, I did; you have no idea.” Arthur flinched as the tight muscles in his neck pulled as he attempted to shrug out of his coat. Merlin stepped in to help before removing his shoes and hanging their outerwear on the hook to dry. 

“So tell me about it.”

So he did, fleshing out the details of the apparently poorly written text as Merlin attempted to find the makings of tea in his kitchen while Arthur popped two prescription pills and waited for them to kick in. 

As they settled down to tea, Arthur noticed Merlin surreptitiously looking around his flat with a mild look of bemusement.

“Alright, what is it?” he asked fondly since his boyfriend clearly wasn't going to bring it up.

“It’s like a museum in here, I feel like I should whisper and not touch anything.” 

“Well as clumsy as you are…” he laughed at the indignant look he got in return. “I know, it’s not a home. My mother and an interior designer put it together for me as a backdrop to my life. I just haven’t gotten around to adding any personal touches.” He said drowsily, the pills having finally kicked in. 

“And how long have you lived here?” Merlin asked, taking his teacup and gently setting it down.

“Two years or thereabouts, life has been busy you know? This is why I prefer your place. It’s so empty here…”

“I can see that love, “Merlin replied sympathetically. “I did wonder why you never invited me up, and I can see you've been holding back on me! All those movie nights at my place and you practically have a home theater set up!”

Arthur startled at the observation. They were walking, Merlin was guiding him past the living room and into the hallway. “Which room is yours love?”

Arthur pointed to his bedroom door relieved that his maid service had come through today. 

Merlin pushed the door open and paused at the threshold. “Wow. How do you sleep?”  
Arthur stepped up behind him and wrapped his arms around the other man’s narrow waist, resting his chin against his shoulder. “I close the curtains Merlin.”

“On a view like that?” he asked, incredulous. 

The view from the building was one of its main selling points; it was built at the top of an incline. And from the penthouse, the city of London was spread out like a fist full of diamonds carelessly dropped on a sheath of black velvet.

“Like it do you?” he asked, foolishly pleased that he had impressed the other man with something as simple as the view. 

“Like it? I want to mount it on my wall.” Merlin sighed and turned to face Arthur. “How’s the headache coming along?” 

“Dulled somewhat, now I'm just tired.”

“Let’s get you into bed then. Shower first?”

“Yes please.”

“On your way,” Merlin laughed indulgently. Here Arthur hesitated. “What is it?”

“Come with me?”

If the question surprised Merlin he didn't show it. Instead he nodded and seemed quietly pleased by the invitation.

One of the best parts about being in a relationship with Merlin was that he understood Arthur’s needs so easily.

Merlin soon had them both stripped and standing under the hot water as he worked shampoo gingerly into Arthur’s hair, as they pressed close together under the overhead waterfall. 

Arthur couldn't find it in himself to be surprised when his boyfriend stole a kiss as he tilted his head back to rinse his hair. Merlin made short work of bathing them both, maximizing their physical contact throughout the luxurious shower. 

They dried off quickly and dove beneath the sheets of Arthur’s massive bed giggling like children. 

They dozed off quickly snuggled close under the heavy blankets, lulled to sleep by the soothing sound of rain thrumming against the windows.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Title of the chapter is from The Way I Am by Ingrid Michaelson found here! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Xt1Ny_rLp74  
> Let me know what you think so far! Any constructive criticism is more than welcome!


	6. Lazy Weekend

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Arthur stifled another laugh at the mental image of Merlin desperately trying to convince his concerned disbelieving family that his boyfriend was real.

So this is what it’s like to be in love. Arthur thought as he woke to the smell of cooking bacon and coffee.

His headache had largely subsided and now only remained as a dull throb at his temples and the base of his skull. Fortunately his nausea had receded so the smells from the kitchen were enticing rather than revolting. 

He stumbled to the bathroom to wash his face and teeth before heading to the kitchen to find Merlin plating up bacon, eggs, and toast with orange juice and coffee. 

Arthur leaned against the door jamb watching his boyfriend hop around humming quietly to himself. 

Merlin turned back to the plates and startled at the sight of Arthur watching him affectionately. “Aaagh! Say something will you?” He laughed and walked over to kiss Arthur on the cheek.

“How are you feeling? Can you eat? Did I wake you?”

Arthur pulled Merlin close and nuzzled into the curve of his neck listening to him ramble on about breakfast.

“I'm fine love, starving actually since skipping dinner. This looks great, I love your cooking.”

Merlin smiled shyly and pulled away from his light embrace only to take him by the hand and lead him to the kitchen island where the food awaited.

“About my cooking, or rather about how I learned to cook… or I mean…Oh hell my mam wants to meet you. 

Arthur nearly choked on his bite of eggs at the sudden revelation.

“I've been talking you up to my sister and she let it slip to mam and… well now it’s all she’s on about.”

“I would love to meet your mum love; did you think I'd refuse?” He laughed outright at Merlin’s guilty blush. 

“I wasn't sure, I know you're not “out” and I didn't know how you'd feel about meeting your boyfriend’s family, but I can't put her off any longer, they're starting to think you're made up!” 

Arthur stifled another laugh at the mental image of Merlin desperately trying to convince his concerned disbelieving family that his boyfriend was real.

“Pick a time and place and I'll be there love.” He promised, leaning over the counter to peck Merlin on the cheek before tugging him around to sit at the barstool next to him so they could eat. 

Arthur had slept later than usual thanks to his medication so it was early afternoon by the time they had the kitchen cleaned and Merlin was preparing to leave. 

Arthur stopped him on his way back to the bedroom to put on his clothes from the day before. It satisfied something primal within him to see Merlin swimming in his old rugby jersey and sweats. “Stay with me? Unless you have other plans for the day?” 

Merlin seemed suspicious surprised by the request. “You canceled our date tonight because you have too much work to get done and I'm such a distraction and now you want me to stay? What gives?

“I stand by my statement; you are a distraction, but the best kind. If you go I'll just spend the rest of the day wishing you were here wondering what you're doing and who you're with. Wishing I was there with you.”

“Well that does sound terribly “damned if you do damned if you don’t” distracting.” Merlin said coyly leaning against the wall opposite Arthur. “But what’s in it for me?”

“Well, you can play with my home entertainment system all day, and I saw you eyeing the hot tub last night…” 

“Deal!” Merlin lit up like the sun, “But I'll only Jacuzzi if we share.”

“Ugh, see what I meant about distraction?” Arthur teased pulling Merlin to him tightly, never wanting to let go.

In spite of his own dire predictions, Arthur breezed through more than half of the contracts and found several slight wording errors that he had missed the day before. 

There was something so soothing about being able to look into the living room and see Merlin immersed in Netflix for the remainder of the afternoon. 

He was so pleased with his rush of productivity that he put his work away and joined Merlin for a viewing of Stardust, which Merlin loved but he had never seen.

After the film they were snuggled together on the couch surrounded by empty take away containers which Arthur called his own effort at cooking since he couldn't compete with Merlin.

“They lived together forever! As Stars!!” Merlin repeated for what had to be the 50th time in an effort to explain why it was one of his favorite movies. “What can I say? I'm a hopeless romantic.”

“I can see that Merlin, and it is a sweet film, just not my taste.” 

“I know, but you usually pick!”

“That’s because I've seen all the movies you want to watch and you haven’t seen any of mine! Probably because you were re-watching Stardust for the millionth time!”

Merlin pouted at that, “I just don't spend all my free time watching movies alone!” He immediately cringed at the sad look that flickered across his boyfriends face. “Hey, you’re not alone anymore.” He smiled at the weak grin Arthur shot him in return. “Not even for soaks in the Jacuzzi!” He leaned in to the kiss the startled blonde and darted from the room to race to the tub, his boyfriend hot on his heels. 

It wasn't until they were tucked into bed together again that Arthur remembered his waking thought that this was love. Reclining in the hot tub with Merlin relaxed against his chest had filled him with a sense of contentment that he had never experienced before. For the first time in a relationship, he had the urge to call his mother and gush about his partner. He smiled to himself. He was meeting Merlin’s family, maybe he should reciprocate. 

He was finally ready to be honest with his parents about the nature if his love. He turned to spoon Merlin who pressed back into his warmth sleepily, causing his heart to surge with love and protectiveness. He drifted off to sleep picturing a future filled with Merlin.


	7. Come Be My Love

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Funny thing was; Arthur had always wanted the same thing. A loving wife and children of his own, a large enough family to make up for his lonely childhood. He had long since replaced the wife in his fantasy with whomever he happened to fall in live with, and that was certainly Merlin.

In spite of his newfound comfort with his sexuality and his overt pride in his relationship with Merlin, Arthur was at a loss for how to tell his parents about his relationship and whether or not to come out to them at all. 

If he said nothing they would likely assume he was gay or bi sexual. He had no intention of discussing his sex life- or lack thereof- with his parents. The memory of his “coming of age talk” with his father still made his skin crawl. 

The fact that Merlin was a man would actually make the need to explain away IVF or surrogacy unnecessary. Though Arthur supposed he could have had sex for procreation had Merlin been a woman. At any rate, it was high time to tell his parents about Merlin, they had passed the six month mark with flying colors and there was no end in sight. 

There was also another reason let his parents know what was going on with him, their dream was about to come true. 

His father had been after him to marry and carry on the family name. All Arthur had heard lately was how his parents had been married and attempting to start a family by his age. Arthur was their miracle child and knew how badly his parents had always wanted a large family. 

Funny thing was; Arthur had always wanted the same thing. A loving wife and children of his own, a large enough family to make up for his lonely childhood. He had long since replaced the wife in his fantasy with whomever he happened to fall in live with, and that was certainly Merlin. 

Though they had never talked seriously about marriage or the future, it was becoming increasingly clear that it was conversation they would be having soon. They had certainly been dancing around the issue, and he was sure Merlin would never ask. Perhaps it was time to clear the air with everyone. 

It had been a few of weeks since Merlin’s first trip to his flat and by now he was a regular visitor. Arthur had given him the code to the elevator and told him to make himself at home, and with some encouragement he had. The flat was slowly taking on some sense of personality with the few personal touches Merlin had left around the place. 

It was another Friday evening and they had not spent a great deal of time together over the past few-very busy-days. Arthur was planning a trip to British Columbia as he had feared and Merlin was working late nights with Bayard over the terms of a hostile takeover he had planned. 

Tonight was for the two of them. Merlin had jumped at the chance really exploit Arthur’s gourmet kitchen and had eagerly agreed to bring groceries for the romantic meal he had planned. Arthur only stocked easy to make staples like eggs, pancake mix, and pot noodles. Merlin was properly appalled and set out to remedy the situation. 

Arthur had never eaten so well in his life as he had over the course of his relationship with Merlin. He had been seriously tempted to propose on the spot the first time Merlin made his specialty- roast chicken with grilled asparagus and duchesse potatoes. 

It had certainly increased his dedication to his workout routine. 

They had a date to meet Merlin’s mum and sister the following day, and he knew that cooking a large meal would help relieve him of his nervous energy. 

Arthur was greeted by the smell of cooking onions and roasting meat as he stepped off the elevator.

“Honey, I'm home!” he called playfully as he set down his things and made his way to the kitchen.

Merlin was a sight for sore eyes. Wearing loose sweats and a t-shirt with his hair spiked up crazily he looked lovely.

“Hey babe, you're just in time.” He greeted Arthur with a smile and turned to take the roast out of the oven.

“I see you've been productive today.”

“Well I was inspired, you said you wanted tonight to be special.”

“I do, let me get changed then we can eat.”

“Sounds good, gives me a chance to set the table.” Arthur dropped a quick kiss on Merlin’s cheek as he walked past; slightly nervous to share his thoughts with this man he had come to depend so much on. What if they wanted different things in life? Could he  
lose Merlin?

He changed and returned to the dining room quickly to keep from psyching himself out. Soon they were sat down eating yet another delicious meal.

“You spoil me.”

“I try.” Came the cheeky response. “Now it’s your turn to spoil me. Finally going to tell me what’s been on your mind?” 

Arthur paused for a drink of wine. How to begin? “I love you Merlin, and I know I've told you that before but I just wanted to say it again. I see myself building a future with you, a whole life if you’ll let me. A house, kids, civil partnership, marriage when we can. 

Everything. But to start, I'd like for you to move in with me.”

Merlin was silent.

Still.

“Ok, now what are YOU thinking?” Arthur finally asked, at the end of his patience.

“Wow. Marriage. KIDS. A house. Forever. Living here. Ummm. Wow.”

“So no sentences then?” Merlin shot him a glare. 

“Sorry sorry, I know I sprang it on you, but like you noticed, I've been thinking about if for a while. I always knew I wanted a family of my own, and I want that with you.”

“Well you did surprise me, that’s for sure.” Merlin hesitated. “Lord knows I want to say yes-“

“Then do! What’s holding you back?”

“This! Us! We argue! You work so much, I work for your competitor! So much could go wrong! What if you change your mind?!” Merlin gestured wildly around them as the problems he listed were corporeal things.

Suddenly it all clicked in Arthur’s head and his nerves settled. “Is that what’s wrong love? You think I'll change my mind?” Merlin looked away guiltily. 

“Sometimes people do.” They rarely mentioned his father, but Merlin had clearly been affected by his early abandonment.

“I can only give you my word that I won’t. I love you Merlin. And if you'll let me, I'll spend the rest of my life proving it to you.”

Merlin looked up, blue eyes brimming with unshed tears as a slow smile broke across his face. “I'll hold you to it.” He whispered leaning in to kiss his beloved. 

Arthur smiled into the kiss, “When can you move in?”


	8. Love Lives Here

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Arthur understood how hard it could be to reframe your entire perception of someone, to accept them fully as they were, and not how you wanted them to be.

It had been a year and a half since Arthur had decided to embrace his sexuality and end his loneliness. 

He would be forever grateful for the impulse to attend that Meetup, without it he might never have met Merlin. 

They had been living together for a few weeks; Merlin had refused to give up his flat until his lease was up. 

Stubborn sod; he had practically lived at Arthurs since the night of the proposal.

“It’s the principle of the thing.”

“Whatever you say, Merlin.”

Tonight was their housewarming party, and Merlin was busy in the kitchen cooking up a storm to feed their friends and family.

Arthur was in charge of “Not making a mess since the maids did such a fine job in preparing for the party.” 

He had also made the playlist.

His lover was in the kitchen now with Hunith and Morgana- whose personality was like Merlin on steroids- who were helping him prepare appetizers and put the finishing touches on the meal.

Hunith was the personal chef for one of the wealthiest families in Wales. She had passed her talent and passion for cooking on to both of her children. 

Morgana was head chef at a Michelin five star hotel; she and Merlin were seamless in the kitchen. She kept playfully asking him to become her sous chef as he laughed it off. 

The sound of their laughter and playful banter warmed Arthur’s heart. The Emerys’ had accepted him into their fold with open arms. 

His loneliness was a thing of the past. 

Speaking of which, his parents should be arriving soon. 

After some initial reluctance, they had come to terms with Arthur’s relationship, especially once he told them that he and Merlin still planned on having a family. 

There was still an awkward tension around the whole affair, but they were trying. 

Arthur understood how hard it could be to reframe your entire perception of someone, to accept them fully as they were, and not how you wanted them to be. 

The elevator pinged and he went to the door, the first of their guests had arrived. 

The party was a huge success. All of the Aces were there, as were Leon and Percy, soon followed by his parents, and even Bayard. 

Though Merlin had resigned his post once he officially moved in with Arthur. The potential conflict of interest was too great. 

Arthur had felt supremely guilty until Merlin gently reminded him that it had been a job, not a passion. Not like Arthur.

“I'd live with you under a bridge Love, no job is more important than you.”

“You just want to be a housewife you lazy sod.” Arthur had teased playfully.

“House husband thank you very much. And you're the one who wants kids so bad. This way I can be here to raise them. Not a nanny.” 

Merlin had strong feelings on being there for their children and “Not having them raised by strangers to doubt our love.”

Arthur couldn't argue with that, didn’t want to. 

He looked around his flat, now full of life, brimming with family and friends. 

Uther and Bayard drinking wine while arguing politics and connections. 

Gwaine was flirting shamelessly with Ygraine as she blushed girlishly. 

Leon praising the food to Morgana without knowing she prepared it. Bonus points for him. 

Hunith and Gwen had hit it off, talking about the baby the Du Lac’s were expecting soon. 

Percy and Will were passionately talking ruby. 

Everyone was mingling and having a good time. 

Merlin stepped to his side, handing him a half empty plate of appetizers. 

Arthur looked at him accusingly. “What did you say about meals?”Came the cheeky reply. Merlin popped a spinach puff into his mouth as he opened it to reply. 

Then, treating him to a kiss that was sweeter than honey, he slipped back to the kitchen to check the food. 

It was Friday night, and he had taken the day to prepare for the party. He was thirty three, and he would rather be in his flat than anywhere else in the world.

Love lived here, and he wouldn't have it any other way.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The End of my first Fic! What did you think? Let me know!


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